Sunday, March 15, 2009

My Freedom




The first historical place I remembered visiting was Rizal’s house in Calamba, Laguna, and that was during a field trip in high school. I couldn’t remember my parents ever brought me to a children’s museum even to Luneta Park prior to that. I knew they were busy doing something else like working hard so as to send me to a better school; to learn about history and other things in books. I didn’t want their hard work to go in vain, so I read as if every word would equal every drib of sweat they make.
Every page turned was an answer to a faint cry of the universal perplexing question: “Who am I?” I was like a little girl returning to her bird pet, dead in the cage, leaning with her elbows on the windowsill, suddenly seeing herself as part of the complete story, or a young adult who found, for the first time, a teacher who awakens something and she begins to breathe as an individual, conscious of her strength. I became fascinated about knowing my country’s past; how Filipino fought for freedom, whichever weapon they used, and was amazed that pen proved to be the sharpest of all. I understood that freedom was an accomplishment that all Filipino acquired because they set their mind to that direction; and to love freedom is a tendency that I was born with.
After many years, no longer guided by teachers or parents on a school field trip, I had a chance to visit Fort Santiago in Intramuros; another historical place in my list that would substantiate the things I read in history books. It was a Saturday morning, a day off from work and I was not yet attending Creative Writing class. The pale sky was clear and the sun is generous of its radiance. Most sojourners were young Koreans and elementary Girl Scout students sweating on their green uniform, yellow kerchief tied under their starched collar - I wondered why I never had a trip like this in my elementary years. I also saw young white couple, leaning over the lagoon, a mile farther from the ticket booth. They chose to spend their date strolling under the heat of the sun rather than watch a movie or hold hands while walking along the air-conditioned mall.
In the pathway, the once active powder caƱons that guarded the massive walls and surrounding broad squares, grand houses and churches was preserved; still like a sleeping beast– the remnants of war and oppression.

For admission fee of 15 Pesos (for student) and 40 Pesos (for adult), I had a concrete view of the rich accounts of the past. During the Japanese occupation in World War II, Fort Santiago was used as a headquarters for the occupying forces where hundreds of civilians and guerillas were imprisoned, tortured and executed. It was one of the oldest fortifications built in Manila.
Restoration & maintenance of the fort began in 1951 under the National Parks Development Committee. In 1992, management was turned over to the Intramuros Administration. Since then, the fort was made open to the public daily. There are guides donned in their 19th century military uniforms stationed throughout the grounds. Their plastic nametags and small radios though are probably not authentic.
The buildings that make up the Intramuros are not the original structures of the past centuries. Despite its aged looks with crumbling wall and battlements, cobblestone streets, and wrought iron balconies, many of the buildings are reconstructions of the originals, some rebuilt more than once. Three centuries of typhoons, floods, fires and earthquakes have also taken their toll. Numerous atrocities were committed in the fort including the deaths of over six hundred people crammed into subterranean cells who drowned during high tides and when Pasig River flooded the cells in February 1945.
What I like most among the many stories in regards to Philippine history connected with the fort is the account on Jose Rizal, the Filipino poet, patriot, and later a martyr for independence who was imprisoned here before his execution by firing squad in the nearby Luneta Park. Visitors can see the cell and literally walk in his final footsteps. Painted footprints trace his final walk from the cell to the fort's gate and his execution site. On his last night in his cell he composed his last and best known work. It was untitled originally but is now commonly known as “Mi Ultimo Adios" (My last Farewell). One of the buildings has been turned into a museum called Rizal Shrine in honor of his memory –you have to pay 10 Pesos to get in. The translation of Ultimo Adios to several languages -Spanish, German, French, Portuguese, Chinese and Tagalog to name a few - was displayed here. Inside was several stuff of Rizal like old business card, a little smaller than the size of a ¼ index card, rusty old medical tools, fencing sword and dumbbell. There were also several furniture pieces displayed as part of Rizaliana Collection. These furnishings were turned over to the Philippine government on 1948 by Trinidad Rizal, unmarried sister of Dr. Jose Rizal. The washbasin that Rizal used in his Hong Kong office was also showcased along with his ensemble of Americana and boots. The four post bed, including his bedpan, from their house in Laguna added an interesting piece in the museum. The three century old ‘lampara’ where Rizal hid the ‘Last Farewell’, before he was executed, was encased with a glass like a spectacle of precious gem in auction.
The great world war had come and gone. These featured artefacts were the only remains of it. Luckily, the world has been changed for me; I was not to survive it, but to preserve it and to make sure that I would keep the world changing for the next generation who would inherit it.
The pale sky has turned orange to vermilion when I left the fort. Pride was tight in my chest knowing that the free spirit of the Filipino persisted; it recurred, because it has never been successfully wiped out, by flood, earthquake, fire, or oppression.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Reading is like making love

I was reading An E.B. White Reader and came across a passage that tickled my sensuous mind. It stated that reading is the work of the alert mind, is demanding and under ideal conditions produces finally a sort of ecstasy. To understand the passage more, I pictured a more concrete image (one thing I learned in poetry).I envisioned a couple making love and conjured that intimate moment they shared in a dim lit room like there's no other world exists beyond it. And as in sexual experience, there are never more than two person present in the act of reading - the writer, who is the impregnator, and the reader who is the respondent.

Saturday, March 7, 2009

To Find the Metaphor

I was thinking of doing a collection of poetry that goes on the theme of taboo, in a way, giving it a voice of existence. It was actually suggested by Dr. Marj. during one of our workshop classes. It started by composing 'When Thunder Strikes' followed by 'Candlewick'. Now I have to find a new metaphor and do the crazy little thing called poetry. Where to find it? that I do not know. Maybe I'll walk (with someone) around Manila, just like what Reg did to rub off the 'cabin fever', and try to feed my senses with things; the cobblestone street, the iron balconies of Intramuros or the well maintained grasses of its golf course, the tee girls while holding up big umbrella, the 'mani' vendors, the non stop jeepneys along the road, or I could just watch the ennui of the sky (still with someone).

Now I'd better find that someone(besides two is always better than one), then it would be nicer to find the metaphor together.

Friday, March 6, 2009

The Master Rapper Wrapped it up

Francis M. died of Leukemia at the age of 44.

I was in High School when his rap career was soaring high. I remember I made a book binder out of card board with his poster in the front cover.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Stolen Survey

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?

No, but unfortunately I have the most cliche name of all. darn!

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?

The other night. I just feel like crying.

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?

no, I like Dr. Marj's penmanship hahaha!

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?

Salmon/blue marlin/steak

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?

no but I like to have one.


6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?

Definitely. we'll be like sisters since I don't have one.

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM?

all the time, especially to conceited type of person.

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?

Yes, thank God.

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?

no dammit! I still want to get old and writing.

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?

no, I don't eat cereal

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?

I don't, I take it off with my other feet.

12. WHERE IS/ARE YOUR FAVORITE PLACE(S) TO VISIT?

Library, every Saturday

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?

vanilla and Strawberry combine in Fruits in Ice Cream!

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?

Face features...clothes, lol...accent too...

15. RED OR PINK?

Red

16. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?

I'm shifty, impatient. (wish I'm not)

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?

Kuya Glenn,

18. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?

I'm not wearing pants or shoes now.

19. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?

sound from the stand fan

20. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?

Red

21. FAVORITE SMELLS?

fresh parchment, book pages, freshly mown grass.

22. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?

Rangi Harris


23. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?

Tennis


24. HAIR COLOR?

black

25. EYE COLOR?

black

26. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?

yes I have to or I'll be blind.

27. FAVORITE FOOD?

Spicy, sea food, pizza,

28. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?

happy endings, but since Adam Sandler said happy endings doesn't happen in real life, I'll just shift to SCARY.

29. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED ON THEATER?

When I Met you (didn't like it much!)

30. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?

Sleeveless Striped black and gray with lace strap

31. SUMMER OR WINTER?

summer

32. HUGS OR KISSES?

both

33. FAVORITE DESSERT?

Ice cream with rock melon or any fruit on top.


34. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?

Reading Poetry (Millet), Passages (Jing P. Hidalgo)

35. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?

i don't use one

36. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?

Tayong Dalawa

37. FAVORITE SOUND(S)?

sound from a kiss

38. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?

I like both

39. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?

Australia

40. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?

I can be stupid without even trying

41. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?

Paranaque City


42. WHAT IS THE CRAZIEST THING YOU HAVE EVER DONE?

Give up my apartment, quit my job

43. HOW DID YOU MEET YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER?

haven't met him.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

down and sick

I don't really feel well today. Poor thing!

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

not so good

I'm a scrabble addict, I play actual and online game. Lately, I played a lot online via lexulous application in facebook. I wouldn't say I'm good, neither I am bad. But, I make sure I played my best each time, to give my opponent a nice game. One time, my opponent was from UK. We chatted a little while playing. He asked me where I'm from and I told him. He said, "You are from the Philippines and you are this good?" I felt all my blood went to my head as I took it as an insult more than a compliment.

" I am good because I am from the Philippines", I told him. Then went on and finished the game. Maybe it was hard for him to believe that someone from the Philippines was good so he asked for a rematch. Walang kadala dala.

Monday, March 2, 2009

horror buff

My usual bonding moment with my brother happens every time we watch dvd, and it's a must that the movie is not only scary, but also disturbing with bloodcurdling scenes e.g. Wrong Turn, Saw I-IV, Mad House. This time, thank God, he chose a bit "tamer". It's a werewolf thriller, about 2 siblings bitten by werewolf and eventually acquired the sign of the beast (a 5 point end that reveals a star if you connect them) in the palm. I didn't find this kind of film amusing unless infused with some kind of romance or adventure, but my brother enjoyed it especially when he knew I'm watching. Aside from being a horror buff, I guess he's also a sort of a masochist, enjoying to see me miserable and disgusted over blood gushing through the victim's body. At the end, my indifference over horror film remained, but to see my brother engrossed and lost in this kind of world, I think, I might give it another chance. In fact, Underworld Evolution was the next dvd in line.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Finding my Place in Taboan

The melodic tribal sound of Kolintang, played by the students, seeped through the Bulwagang Rizal in UP Diliman as the Taboan Writer’s Festival was about to begin. I stood in the outermost corner of the hall, after I signed my name at the entrance. My eyes searched for friends who also want to witness and experience the first Philippine International Writers Conference. After all, it marked a significant event in the Philippines as the country celebrates the month of February as the National Arts Month. I didn’t come to do a speech or sign a newly published book, and definitely not an official participant (my professor said you have to write a book first to be one), so I didn’t get free bags, books and other freebies. My presence was made merely to be a silent spectator, who dreamed of making a difference in my country, but is yet to find her rightful place in the solitary world of writing,

I joined my friends who arrived earlier, a moment before the program began. We immediately spotted Dr. Marj Evasco who waved her hand to greet us. Beside her was the National Artist for Literature, Francisco Sionil Jose, who was wearing his signature hat; clutch purse tucked in his right arm, and a lacquer-finished cane between his legs matched his simple elegant look. We walked our way to where they were seated and Dr. Marj was quick to introduce him to us.
“Meet the national artist”
“They’re my students” Dr. Marj quickly added, turning her head to him.
My friends began to rummage for their digital cameras inside their bags, determined not to let this rare occasion passed without a picture with the famous author. I, who happened not to own one, was able to shake his hand first. On the spot, he asked me, “What do you write?”, I startled like a child caught playing instead of doing her homework, but I regained my composure and replied that I am now learning to write the art of lies and poetry. I moved on after I mastered “to do” and grocery lists. His eyes disappeared as he smiled and said everyone has to start somewhere.

Later, in his speech, Francisco Sionil Jose left a statement worth pondering about: "We are writers, but what impact do we have on our history? We do not make the decisions that alter the nation's destiny. And what can the solitary writer do now that will make a difference?... We must bear this duty, endure it, if we are to be true not just to the vocation we have chosen but to this land which sustains us, which gave us life and reason to be."
I started thinking, the world is in a bad situation, whether making an impact or changing one’s nation is overwhelming, others would think it’s impossible. Who would listen and honestly believed that writing was not only a diversion, but deliverance; not a temporary relief but a resolution? But John Steinback said, “A good writer always works at the impossible”. As a reader and as an aspiring writer, I have seen how writers served as a rescue for our tired, overcrowded planet by telling stories that connect readers to all the people on earth. To hear that the work you do inspires someone else to be creative, makes everything worth it. And to hear about it is a gift. Words are the most powerful tools at our disposal. With them, writers have saved lives and taken them, brought justice and confounded it, started wars and ended them. Writers can change the way we think and transform our definitions of right and wrong.
Whenever I write fiction or poetry, I tried to identify my own subject, thread the theme and the subject into the work without becoming didactic. My efforts at both scales are required to truly make a difference and I see my future as offering opportunities for continued growth at both. I did not see it as impossibility. To succeed, maybe, I need to read more and surf gracefully with the waves of life.
Franciso Sionil Jose’s speech ended, audience applauded. In Cebuano, Taboan means “meeting place”, and the festival was definitely a good place to be with the crowd of brilliant minds, ideas, and writers. Whether I was sitting down or standing up in the outermost corner of the hall, being a part of the event was worth enough. After all, I came to observe, listen and shake hands with literary talents whose works I have read and admired. And that would be all...for now.