The Power of the TITLE

I think that the writer missed an opportunity by not titling his work, because it’s the first thing a reader sees and the last thing that he or she remembers about a poem.
In this poem, a familiar account from Greek mythology is used in association of the story; Narcissus being the lover of the persona, and Apollo as the third party.
The opening line of the poem, “See a sea”, sounds like a pun. It is followed by mere description of the backdrop: sound, vastness and lonely trenches. Many lines such as /Mermaids and solemn creatures/ Dance with its brutal blows/, serve as ornament, yet fails to embody an idea or feelings that will lead me to know the intention of the poem. The language used appears to be fancy and veers away from the true intention of the poem e.g. /Hides in Orrinoco flows/ from my lunar mirrors/He sees a foreign country/. There are lines that seem to be repetitive in meaning or allusion, making the verse suffers from mixed metaphors e.g. /A blue portrait/ in the blue blanket/Echoed in the moons of my eyes/ dissolves from my lunar mirror/. The poem needed to be condensed in form and structure, so that reader will not be swept by on the swift and splendid roundabout of the verse. I remember Coleridge famous words:” Whatever lines in poetry can be translated into other words of the same language without diminutions of their significance...are so far vicious in their diction.”
The experience that the poem wants to tell is rather more explaining than presenting. I also find the denouement of the abandoned lover feeble, maybe because the poem gives more emphasis on the landscape more than the insight. If the poem wants to bring out the experience on the theme of a love triangle, betrayal or abandonment, I think that the poem needs to find a new way or a new angle of telling the story to avoid being trite in material. It is better to use concrete images to be more evocative so that the experience of the persona will also be my own experience as the reader, in the sense that I can also feel betrayed or angry or cheated if that is the feeling the poem wants to evoke.